my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
