i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm like, not good at living.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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