i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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