I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
