Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
