So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
