just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
did i just pee glitter
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
