I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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