I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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