i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
