So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
