areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just tell him i said nine months
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
