the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
