Having a random hookup so left but love u
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
