The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
