I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
