So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
