Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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