What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize