I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
