i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
