she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
