i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
