Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
