just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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