What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
