So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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