When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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