Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
