Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
