You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
