sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
