my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
