Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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