My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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