man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
