Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
