clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
