I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
