Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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