Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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