oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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