You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
