Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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