We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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