would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
