Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
