you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize