11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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