I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
