I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
