Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
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QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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