How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
