I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i barfeds in our rink
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
