Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
