Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
