I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
