I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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