you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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