my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
