An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
