I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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