I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why do cheetos always look like penises
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
