I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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