you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Success! We fucked roommates!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
