My first STD was from a foam party
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
