He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
