Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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