If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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