"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
