Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
