I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel great
I just peed on a car
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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